Today

I was trying to work today but I am incredibly SAD.

Like, straight up boo hoo crying sad to be completely honest.
In my defense, my body is PMSing really hard. Like, I've been waiting for my uterus to do the drop for a few days now.

But also, the video I recorded last night was very transparent and very heavy.

I think about my daughter everyday and I pray that she one day can understand why I had to choose me in this season.

A large portion of my identity is being a mother. I have been an incredible mother to her, quite literally almost exchanging my life for hers on more than one occasion. No one, including her, knows what I have survived on her behalf. 

I expected to break down and cry a Nile worth of tears when I first arrived. That never happened. I'm sure the overflow, the release that I am feeling now is a reflection of said anticipation.

Everyday I send up prayers for her protection, for her forgiveness.
Everyday, I get a little stronger.
I am tired of being strong to be completely honest but I don't know anything else.

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