Empress Keno

I've socialized today more than I have in years. I had a beautiful time out and about. It was lovely.

 Of course they're organic. Just about everything is here.  But this mango? Bayyyyybbbeeeee let me tell you something: *chefs kiss* ok?! ok!! These banana crisps are delicious as well.

It's finally here! We made it safe and sound.  Our host is great, the travel was smooth, I give thanks! Our season of freedom is here.  It feels surreal, still. I've worked so hard, I've sacrificed so much. I deserve all that is in front of me. Freedom is here. APTTMH

🥰

It feels trippy. I'm sleepy but we are on our way. Headed Ethiopia today.  In the meantime, I'm fumbling with the streaming app and figuring that out.

 Random: Maps? They’re weird. They’re created from the perspective of the cartographer. So that means you probably will never see what they saw. Our perspective is important. The blue marble ? strange - it has been admitted that it’s edited and reoriented. Hm. South oriented down? Also strange ? The Mercator is racist and informative about culture though. The perspective of that map reveals so much. The fact that it’s so widely used reveals even more.

Today is the start of a new life. A few years ago, we had our first Zaxbys meal together.  I love chicken salads and they had my favorite at the time. They were only available in my local area so I took my husband, then just my friend, as an introductory treat. After that meal is when we decided we'd be together and see where it went, a new beginning. It was the first time I had started something with the intention of no pressure, just vibes. No expectations, just freedom. Today, we are having Zaxbys for dinner.  We've officially moved out of our first marital home. Today, we evolve to another level of freedom. Today, I've completed a task on my list of 5-6 month long tasks. A big one. All praises to The Most High ! 

Felt cute, used security footage as a selfie

To me, being supportive always meant showing up and showing out for those that I care about, those that I love. To me, receiving support always felt like tolerating how little someone who is supposed to care is actually doing to contribute a cause, while only truly offering judgement. Basically, I don't have support. I have an audience. The season that launched 2016 showed me wassup but 2020 taught me what's real. My family is disappointing. They always have been. They are the epitome of how I see the African American diaspora in totality.  Everyone has an idea of what oppression looks like, everyone has a judgment of how you chose/choose to face it. But no one has contributed; time, energy, or resources to your deliverance in actuality. In fact, often times the most eager judgements are assessed when there is an instance in which the variables are not clear. Even more so, instances where they lack the wherewithal or even experience to comprehend the parameters of the situation...

We started telling our story while we were celebrating and eating crabs. I thought it was so cute how we were speaking in unison and how much I was beaming that I decided to make it it's own video.

 Getting a pedicure, Mobile Stream test https://youtu.be/ZPta_9qPR_A 

 Today,  I choose to honor the sabbath. It’s the first time I’ve actually relaxed on a Saturday in quite sometime. I was originally planning to begin honoring myself and the Sabbath next week but now is always a good time to live better. Holistic living is already beginning to treat me well. Exodus soon come.

I created a new channel intro for YouTube. I released some new YouTube content. I have committed to 7 days of at least 15 minutes of livestreams from departure day forward. I'm excited. I can't wait to record as much as I can, as I know there are some limitations upon arrival. We are getting closer.

I was watching a show and a Black Woman said  " I feel like I've been grieving all of my life."  *insert idris alba hm meme here* I began to weep immediately. Good Lord. I don't know when's the last time a single line hit me like that but that one punched me in my gut. I am so exhausted. I feel like I have been grieving all of my life.

My husbands new thing is never wearing a shirt. I feel like I'm watching him morph into an easy breezy beautiful carefree man. Love that for him 

 I was originally going to take a week off but as I was drafting my email I decided to take two weeks. Love that for me. I am looking forward to the time off. I need it.

 

I am still processing today. This is a lot. I am focusing on the good. Like,  -my husband always bringing me a fresh towel without being asked when I'm in the shower. -Safe travels to and from a destination -Health and everything else in between  Amani.

 I still can’t believe we actually just dropped her off. I interlocked her hair on the way up and we talked, she expressed how much she’ll miss us. We exchanged love. I have planted many seeds and now they are growing in her. Selah.

We just dropped my baby off. Of course I held it together, cus you know how real G's do. But nah, I couldn't have her thinking there was any more reason to be sad. She already expressed some sadness.  I am confident The Most High will keep her safe and covered. I am confident we will both gain new knowledge, perspective and experience in this new phase of our journeys. I love her.

This Saturday was incredibly full. I spent the day pulling out, throwing away, and selling items from our current home. I worked on the house for about 12 hours. I also spent the time washing and packing Nems clothes. It felt strange. I plan to start observing rest. My sense of time is changing. Change is near, I'm looking forward to it.

 I paid extra special attention to my little Princess today 💜 I took her to the spa. We spent a lot of time talking about all of the changes to come. ***drafted accidentally. Pending from date 5/10/21

I just ordered lunch; Panera Bread used to have a strawberry rhubarb pastry and I wish they would've brought it back this season. I really loved it. People assume I'm fluent in Spanish because of my last name. I can comprehend a lot but I am not fluent by a very long shot. I've been selling stuff on the face and people keep messaging me in Spanish. I feel like I gotta get my bars up. But first, we master Swahili.

It's giving regal, honey. It's giving exactly what I wanted it to have gave. Cute and straight to the point while being extra. Wow, yes, it's so me. I decided I would go ahead and make a new icon since I decided to go ahead and update everything to Empress/Malkia Keno. Evolution. We give thanks. Ok, now that I'm done gassing up the new logo I made, here it is. 

I'm trying to get in the hang of sharing all of my social videos to my youtube channel, no matter the size or production level.  I loved this little moment with my son. Nakupenda Tatu #Mommyand3

I just updated all of the socials for Shop3Care to EmpressKeno or MalkiaKeno. I tweeted that the shop is closed. Digital nomad season is near. I like that.

 Things just got realer this week. Lots of movement. This one is definitely a landmark though. We move.

 So, I picked up my new retainer yesterday. My teeth have already shifted some but I’m totally ok with that. I’m just happy to have that permanent retainer off. I also like how I cut my hair. This week has been ridiculous but this moment was cool. 

It looks like Nem is going to Philadelphia this weekend. My sister offered to take her instead. I'd hate to send her there just for him to give them drama because he will. I love her for trying to help. I guess I must return to Philadephia again, after all. 

So much movement at once. I think I'm going to take a break and just sit in the sun for a little while. 

I found a way to make the scheduling process a lot easier as far as sending info to the clients. I also created an automated workflow. Proud of my growth. Managing volume has forced me to find efficiency. Proud of my progress. This time last year I was manually responding to every single inquiry. This year I have implemented automatic responses. We move.

Nemah's supposed to go to Philly. Her dad is more interested in keeping her than giving up the passport form suddenly. There's a lot of movement right now. All forward everything.

I ate a hard piece of candy about 30 minutes ago. I also ate too many of my favorite cookie. I meditated and gave myself a full body brown sugar and lavender scrub down. I cut my hair and scrubbed head to toe. I feel refreshed. I also feel tired. Sounds like an oxymoron but that's an accurate projection of my overall mood right now. I'm elated about progress and the timeline winding down. I'm also quite sad and disappointed that it's looking very likely that I will be separated from my daughter. I'm grateful for my husband making me breakfast and picking up some of my favorite treats. I'm grateful for my Mother's Day cards. I smell incredible right now and my skin feels amazing. I'm exhausted.

Today I finally emailed my baby daddy and told him I'm moving to Africa and that Nemah will be left behind if he continues to hold the form I need for her passport hostage. I am deeply saddened by this but determined not to allow this person to continue to manipulate me through my child. He did this same thing with her birth certificate years ago. He is constantly doing this with the abusive court game. I am constantly being disrespected by someone who is a detractor from her quality of life. I've cared for her day in and day out for 8 years. Often times without any help whatsoever. I'd hate to leave her in America while I go to Africa but I cannot continue with this game. I've done my part and then some. You have no idea. 

My family has an obsession with waking me up when I go to sleep. I don't know why they are punishing me, or pushing me to snap but they are not letting me sleep. I've been sleep deprived for weeks now....yesterday I finally got my screaming baby down for a nap just long enough to fall into a nap on the couch. My daughter stood over me and yells mom like it's an emergency when nothing is wrong. So of course she startles me awake but then heads to bed herself. Tonight, I fall asleep on the couch. My husband fell asleep on the other couch....he decided to wake me up to get in the bed....twice. Second time being inconsiderate within 24 hours. Guess who's awake now while he's fast asleep in the bed? Happy Mother's Day to me, right ? 

 I saw a dead bird on my way out of the dental office. I was barely holding it together and decided I needed to vent. I didn’t expect to break down but that’s the reality of where I am in these moments. I was going to up.lad the video but I decided I will wait until the time is right. I have a feeling it will be useful later. “  Some people say when you find a  dead bird  the  meaning  is someone you loved passed away. Others say that  dead birds  actually are a good sign, showing you that an end to turmoil or pain is coming. A  dead bird  doesn't necessarily portend physical death, but metaphorical death”

 I’ve started to film more raw vlogs, as this journal is all about the good, bad, and the ugly. It’s not meant to be Instagram type fake and pretty but I must admit that I don’t think I’ve truly attained the comfort to post raw footage. This morning has been a doozy. I recorded a vlog and broke down in the middle of it. But it is REAL. so, I am challenging myself to start posting this raw footage as of today.

Today was quite a full day. I’ve been checking off things on our list left and right. EmpressKeno? She at work. But, I found light in cherishing little moments with my little ones. Love conquers all.  

https://twitter.com/shop3care/status/1389899714863288325?s=12

Someone told me I'm not gonna make it in Africa because there aren't any social programs in place. Very big lol. I mentioned that I think a lot of the problem with America is that we have so many social programs in place. Being poor isn't easy anywhere in the world. It's also a bold assumption that I am in need of social programs. But you know, all Black Women are poor? This person, in the same conversation, went on and on about how beautiful the weather is, how amazing the people, childcare, culture, and the food are.....I'm like ???? Do you not hear yourself ? But, these are the avenues I value. I guess it's easy to disregard those things if your primary focus is money. To be fair, they also briefly mentioned a hard life leaving their country in Africa to get to America. To be even more fair, someone who doesn't want me to go sent this person to "talk" to me. I'm always eager to hear new perspectives about things from every angle. It's ho...

It's my big babies birthday! Wow! 8 years ago today I became a mother for the first time. 15 months ago today I completed my family. All praises to The Most High for healthy and safe children.

Sometime around the year 2001, when kids still played outside on bikes and scooters and things....I took a ride on a motor scooter and fell off. This is a significant life experience because I still wear the scars til this day. I remember the event like it was yesterday... The cool neighborhood kid had just got a scooter with a real motor on it. I don't know the motor details but it was definitely fast enough for my mom (who I call "my Lady" ) to give me specific instructions NOT to ride it. So of course, naturally I had to get on it immediately. I was riding it down the street, enjoying the wind blowing in my face when I went to turn  the  corner. I hit the gas instead of the break and flew off. Road rash everywhere. Til this day you can still see the lumps from the scar tissue in my lips. I bit almost completely through my bottom lip on the right side. Talk about trauma. The moral of this story is....I'll totally do it again because sometimes experience hurts. It...

I spent the weekend in the Philly metro area with family. It wasn't until I had a moment to sit still in it that it really hit me, I don't know when I'll see my family again after this weekend. Suddenly, as I was playing with my niece the reality that she may not even remember me the next time she sees me, dawned on me. A wave of sadness. All exponential growth requires sacrifice.

It's finally May! This month will be filled with change, abundance, adventure, and everything in between. My daughter will be another year old and my son will be another month old, tomorrow. All praises to the Most High!